Moving Part 4: Crying in CAVA

 

I broke down in tears, ironically, right as my husband, Coble, walked through the front door, "Hi babe!.. Uh, wait, what's wrong?!"

__________Background______________

I was cranking out emails, priding myself on efficiency, when I looked at the clock, "Dang, I'm going to be late!" I said.

I should work late... But I committed to dinner with friends. My mom taught me, "You don't back out of commitments, Becca." I can still hear her voice in my head every time it crosses my mind.

Before I could jump in the shower, I saw an email, "Plan Review has been disapproved." 

Wait, what?

My heart sank.

Our Pennies' commercial kitchen permit was denied. 

 

Hold the phone. How could the plans we submitted be denied? We followed the code, right? Architects, engineers, landlord, contractors... We worked weeks on this.

How can a day go from great to, "pit in my stomach what do I do no way this is happening?"

I'd been officially a month with no word from the permitting office. Paying rent without operating. This email was a gut-punch and I spiraled. 

I broke down in tears.

Ironically, right as my husband, Coble, walked through the front door...

"Hi babe!.. Uh, wait, what's wrong?!"

Awkward stares.

For a moment, I thought about holding it in and avoiding the scene all together. But I couldn't.

I dropped my face in my hands and cried. 

I explained the setback (and my spiral), huffing for breath through my tears. 

He sat patiently and held me as I vented my worries, my stress, and my fears. 

How will we continue to pay rent without operating? How will we catch up with demand? Why did I make this mistake? What is the way out of this? Find a new space? What about all the money we've put into this? What will happen to my team?

He offered words of encouragement, but only one line I heard,

"Bec, you know if Pennies closed tomorrow, it wouldn't be a failure, right? YOU wouldn't be a failure either. No one would be upset with you."

Wait, what?

No, I didn't know that. 

Or at least, I had never heard that from someone I love. 

Almost five years of growing Piedmont Pennies, and I never realized how much of MY self-worth was tied in the business' success. 

It's natural for an entrepreneur to tie their identity to his/her work. But it's also extremely unhealthy. 

If my identity is actually in something greater (for me, as a Christian, God...), why was I so afraid of "failure" then? Would it be a failure if we ran out of money (or will power) and we closed? 

Did this setback mean failure? Why was I thinking of "failure" when there was no such thing?

_________________________

Phew, get it together, Becca. I thought as I sped to the restaurant. My friends' don't need to carry YOUR work stress.

I sat in CAVA in silence and without a shower. I waited. I somehow beat my friends despite my tearful breakdown. Then, I heard,

"Hey Becs, how's it going?!" My best friend Addie glided up with a grin.

I couldn't hold it in. It felt... fake... Oh no, here it comes...

And then I cried in CAVA.

Actually, I SOBBED in CAVA. 

"Ads... Sorry...sniff sniff... I've been... sniff sniff... going through it... with work."

Even the employees, who typically show zero emotion, looked up from their cafeteria line, concerned. 

Like Coble, Addie let me bare it all. Then Rachel showed up, and Addie heard it again. Just as I wrapped the saga, Sarah arrived, so then they all received a more condensed version (but equally as emotional).

My friends listened, asked questions, and comforted me. Over and over again. They didn't expect the tears or emotional baggage, but they accepted it graciously. Then, they reassured me that things would work out in HIS timing (not mine). 

But then, something magical happened. Each friend started sharing their own struggles from their week. Work, family, pregnancy... 

Gah lee, we ALL are going through it, just in different ways. 

I felt us all growing closer, stronger, and more confident in our experiences and our strengths.

Through the hour with friends, my perspective shifted and my hope restored.

CAVA isn't life changing, but that particular meal was. 

 

Lesson #1: It's the times you want to isolate that you (may) need fellowship. Go against your desire to recoil when times are tough or awkwardly sad. You may think time with others is draining, but vulnerability may be your strength.

Lesson #2: Hardships are inevitable in this imperfect, fallen world. Be ready to face them head on and know you are never alone.  We cannot avoid difficult seasons (even perfect, blameless Jesus and Job faced hardships). But if we take care of ourselves (and ask for help) we can get through hard times and accomplish our purpose (whatever that may be for you).

 

Ok, I'm done crying for now.

We live to see another day., thank the Lord.

And I'm off to reapply for a permit...

 

Stay Cheesin,

Becca

 

P.S. THANK YOU for your emails and words of encouragement. Thank you for your orders. It means the world, Penny Pals, and our team sends you so much love and thanks for your support.